and other bad advice my friends give me
My co-worker (who I wish was single because he is so cute) suggested to me today that I "just have to get out there and meet people". I kiddingly said, "sure, I'll just walk down Wisconsin Ave with a sandwich board on me saying that I am single and ringing a bell like the salvation army santas". Can you believe that he told me that might be a good idea? (He was kidding, of course!)
He suggested a personal ad online as well. He even offered to write it for me. I know better than to do that. The ex and I met through an online site and I am just not ready to do that just yet. I cannot bring myself to look. The last time I looked was a few weeks ago. And when I looked, I found Chris' profile...the same one that he used to lure me in. I was heartbroken. I called him on it, and of course he denied that it was his profile. I did not fall off the turnip wagon! I just wanted the truth. I could have handled the truth. So whenever I think about online dating, I think about him.
I just don't know what to do with myself anymore. I am tired of being alone already. I don't want to date anyone else really. I felt that I just needed a distraction to help me get over him, which is impossible. Really--- I just want my boyfriend back, and I can't have him. He decided that much. I want to call him, I want to see him. He doesn't want to see me or hear from me at all. I do semi-psychotic things like drive by his apartment to see if he is home but I don't get out of my car---I just see if the light is on or not. I read the old emails, look at pictures, and remember all the good times. I want him back in my life.